Acton Caine is a former anthropologist, who currently resides in a nuclear bunker of his own design just outside of Motherwell. The following files, entitled ‘How2RebuildCivilisation.exe’ were written by Caine and disseminated via a set of CDs he bought for cheap in Wilko when it shut down, in the hopes that the current population would stop seeing their world as a lost cause and instead rebuild it into something vaguely liveable. Please contact Acton Caine when civilisation has been rebuilt successfully, or if you have any contacts for discount lead cladding.
Sadly, we can’t go back to square one. And I don’t think you really want to anyway. Do you even know how long it takes to make a mud hut? But, there is an appeal. Even the simplest aspects of human life have been warped, mutated and destroyed by our modern existence. It would be nice, I suppose, to go back to basics. With that being said, I have a soft spot for the ol’ electricity and am grateful for the fact the cat scratch I got when I was 6 didn’t go septic and kill me. Swings and roundabouts, and all that. Humans are blessed with innate malleability, and while it may not seem it, all things and all people are changeable. So let us change. We’ve got time. There is a lot wrong with the world around us, there’s no denying that, but there’s no point in hoping we can start from scratch. Instead, why don’t we try and figure out how to fix what we already have? I’ve had a look around and I really think this place has some good bones.
Let us start from the beginning. I find you all in the proverbial bog of the modern day-covered in mulchy clart and grieving a gilled existence. Or rather, clad in polyester and compulsively turning over your phone for a message that isn’t coming. Trust me, I’ve got a satellite dish, they are not replying tonight. Let’s get you out of the swamp. Humans have a handful of basic needs- water, shelter and food. We shall start there. I can definitively say that you haven’t drunk enough today. Yes, your caffeinated drink is a liquid; no, it doesn’t count. People would, and do, pay good money for good Scottish water like yours, so I think you should go grab a glass and stop being a child about it. Next, your shelter – by which I of course mean housing. I hope this file reaches you in the safety and comfort of your own abode, surrounded by as many circuit boards and ZX Spectrums as it takes to make you feel at home. Since the cave, humans have had the desire for their own spaces. We find solace in these private, clutter-filled confinements, free from the sabre-toothed tigers and situationships of the outside world. [Personally, I would prefer the tiger. Much easier to read.] I ask you now then to look around your cave, I mean shelter – I mean room – and pick out the parts that comfort you, that make you smile. Multiply these wherever you can. Next look at the things that discomfort you, the tracings of black mould or the pile of washing that is no longer clean nor dirty. Deal with these now, I promise it won’t take as long as you think and Cillit Bang is not nearly as aggressive as the adverts made it seem. Now, you’ll have worked up an appetite so let’s talk food. Our ancestors would shudder to imagine the way our civilization treats food. We politicise it, anonymise it and pay extortionately for things we once found in the bushes around our homes. Perhaps more than ever, we are villainising food, with catastrophic consequences. In the simplest terms, we all need food to survive. We all deserve food that is nourishing, cheap, and tastes good. Very rarely do we get all three of those things, which makes it all the more important to remember. We should also know our food, as we know the view out of our windows [or out of our periscope up to the surface.] We could go a long way in making our world better if we took a little longer to find out where it came from, who reared it, what seasons it grew in, who picked it and what they were paid. Even one choice made more consciously is better than none at all.
The world is not an easy place to live, I will concede, but there’s never been a civilisation in all of human history that’s had an easy go of it. There has always been and will always be some worry to keep everyone up at night, and it’s fair to say that the modern mind has quite a lot to choose from. But problems don’t shrink with worry, they shrink with action. Imagine what would happen if we all got out of our bogs and decided to survive instead.
Grateful for his opposable thumbs,
A.C
ENDOFDISC1
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