Acton Caine is a failed graduate from the School of Life, who currently resides in a nuclear bunker of his own design just outside of Motherwell. The files, ‘How2RebuildCivilisation.exe’, were written by Caine in the hopes that the current population would stop seeing their world as a lost cause and instead rebuild it into something vaguely liveable. Please contact Acton Caine when civilisation has been rebuilt successfully, or if you have any good leads on stainless steel can-openers.
How are you finding life outside of the bog? Well, get in and get settled- this is your world to enjoy! I know a man who spends most of his time hermetically-sealed and lit by fluorescent lights may not seem like the biggest ecologist, but absence makes the heart grow fonder. I’ve tried making sea spray with a fan and a tub of Saxa, but it’s just not the same. There are many bleak looking headlines about our lovely lump of rock; how it’s getting hotter and dryer, then colder and wetter, all at the wrong times. I am not here to spout more of them at you, don’t worry. Besides, I only get my news through encrypted telegrams, so they’re probably outdated already. That being said, the best way to see when something is sick is to know what it is like when it is well. So let me reintroduce you to the world; I think you’ll really get along.
On the Prime Meridian, on which you likely found this crudely-coded CD, we are blessed to have four distinct seasons. These periods of the year have changed alongside our climate, but try not to look at that too nihilistically. Our world, like us, is built to change and our seasons have evolved lots over the millions of years. Some winters will be warm, some summers will be filled with storms, and the next they’ll be the very opposite. Don’t try and fight against the seasons and don’t be disappointed when they don’t match the meteorological ideal. Instead, try and appreciate every season for what it is. Spring never starts as early as we want it to, so make sure that when you do see that first hint of green, or that first snowdrop raise its head, to appreciate the life that’s growing around you. Summers are hotter than they’ve ever been and there’s no real way to pretend that’s a good thing. But, it does mean there are even more days to swim in the sea, and in the lochs, and lots of sunsets to watch on warm evenings in the park. Autumn gives us the last spark of colour for the year as the leaves fall and the weather becomes as changeable as my supply of tinned peaches. You can live in all four seasons in Autumn alone, so take advantage of that. And winter, dark, cold winter- waiting at the end of the line, dealing with us all at our grumpiest. This is the time of year to most let yourself be led by the season. Let yourself be slower, let yourself sleep in, cook food that warms you, spend time with people that feel bright.
I am, beneath it all, just a regular guy. I put my pants on one leg at a time, and before I moved into my retro-fitted, lead-lined secure Cold-War bunker, I enjoyed the great outdoors as much as the next guy. Part of the reason why I saw it suitable to move into such confinement was because everyone else seemed to be doing it too. To say this is our world, we seem to be spending less and less time in it. If there’s any chance in me returning to the surface, I’m going to need at least a few of you to join me. Go out into the world, into the parks and the hills and the streets. Notice what animals you see, what birds you hear, wonder if you know them or if you’ve just met someone new. Look at the clouds, at the colour of the sky and try and figure out what weather they’re warning you about. When there is fruit in the hedgerows, or little weeds in the grass, make sure to pick a couple for yourself and remember to leave the rest for your friends, winged and walking. Become part of the world around you, not just an observer. It’s a much less boring way to live.
It’s important not to stick your head in the sand (and before you point out any irony, my head is not in sand, it’s actually in a rather stylish tinfoil hat). Our environment is changing and changing fast. Looking at the Big Powerful People pumping toxins into the air and draining our rivers only to fill them with poison would make anyone feel a little pessimistic, but what we can’t do is give up. We’re still here. The trees and rocks have weathered far worse than this, and we will too. When I come out of my well-disguised manhole cover, I better find you all hard at work and taking good care of our environs. Someone has to.
Curious about the nutritional value of crab-apples,
A.C
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