Mirror, mirror, on the wall, show me the most wicked X-Factor judge of them all…

For decades, the villainous crown of the X-Factor sat firmly on the jagged peak of Simon Cowell’s monstrous quiff. The … More

Cutting my (own) hair

I started cutting my own hair because I did not want to book appointments anymore. That is genuinely it. I … More

Acton Caine, founding member of the Neighbourhood Watch, currently resides in a nuclear bunker of his own design just outside … More

At exactly 3:15pm on Friday the 27th of October 2017, a school bell dutifully rang within central Edinburgh, and my … More

Recently, I’ve started painting, and I mean truly awful painting. Makeup as paints,overused toothbrushes as paintbrushes on a to-do list … More

Protest doesn’t fail because young people don’t care – it “fails” because we only celebrate visible change, not organisation, urgency … More

‘I’m the Gianni Agnelli of Glasgow’ claims the ghoulishly gaunt, and glaringly greyish, forty-six-year-old man sat perched like a gargoyle … More

There’s a phrase that’s been floating around social media lately, soft and longing in nature: “You are a museum of … More

I’m a 2004 baby who spent too much time online as a child. The internet was fun and exciting, a … More

Tidings, my friends, and allow me to welcome you into a new year. Since the first toll of the bells … More