Dear User,
I’m writing this as if I’m addressing a letter to you, personally. I’m totally not, you’re just one of hundreds of people who could potentially read it. But I learned today that if a creator writes to their audience as if they’re a distant but loving bestie, you might start believing that I am. Sorry babe, but your parasocial interactions are my bread, butter, and cake. And I’m a regular Marie Antoinette.
Today, I set out on my holy mission to be loved~<3 Specifically, by you (and the millions of invisible icons trapped inside my phone). In an ideal world, I’d be a surgically perfect nepo-baby, buying my way to the top in whatever Y2K-inspired-designer-sweatshop-garment I could get my grubby mitts on. Or, at least, have the bands to make my insta posts look like I’m not still living in 2018. Tbh, with a follower count like this, that’s a pipe-dream. But, unless I get heavy cancelled for doing a Shein haul or something, we can only go up. Here are my current stats:
Twitter (I’m not calling it X) followers: 102
Instagram followers: 639
Tiktok followers: 228
Abysmal. :((( But I have some skeeving tricks up my sleeve, to make it out of this grubby six bedroom flat-share – with mould! Someday, I’ll be truly, totally able to live without a care, but for now I just have to pretend, so nobody calls me a try-hard.
So, User, today I’m going to teach you how to exploit lonely people. Ethically… Maybe. I’m choosing not to think about it. Bffr if you say you haven’t been parasocially infatuated with someone online. The FaceTime effect is real, and when you get to go on one-sided adventures, every day, with an impossibly beautiful person that a creepily knowledgeable algorithm estimated you would statistically think was that girl (or guy), of course you’re going to fall madly in love with them, platonically, or not.
Campaign to End Loneliness (https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org) has collected data about the impact of loneliness in the UK, finding that it increases the risk of early mortality by 26%. Twenty. Six. Percent. I, myself, am a resting-sad-face, NEET-pilled, mentally unstable femcel. Okay, not really, but I like the funny words – and I’ve dabbled in some bedroom rotting, in my time. The sheer number of empty Monster cans and dirty plates in my room right now, would curdle my mother’s blood. Not to mention, the tomato sauce I spilled on the carpet last week – which I forgot to clean – and is now, basically, a feature of the room. We’re all participating in the loneliness economy, whether we like it or not. I don’t see why big tech companies should get to exploit this depression, and people like me, who are suffering because of it, should not.
This all functions through the exploitation of the attention economy and social hierarchy, which are split between two categories: ‘aesthetics’ (people associating themselves with those they admire, in order to gain social value) and ‘connection’ (people associating themselves with those they relate to, in order to feel understood).
Aesthetics aren’t just how you look (though, looking beautiful is a surefire way to get a longer watch time), it’s about the kind of person you present yourself as, whether you are that person or not. If you present yourself as spiritually awakened, thoughtful, and wise, then people who also want to seem that way, will want to associate themselves with you. It’s about presentation, not evidence. It’s all for the aesthetic.
Connection is found more in memes and personal anecdotes, because it is about overcoming the mortifying ordeal of being known, and revealing a part of yourself that others may not have thought they were ‘allowed’ to share. It requires honesty, vulnerability, and a willingness to share growth and flaws. This connection is rarer in non-anonymous spaces, because tipping the balance between relatable and embarrassing puts you at risk of social ostracism.
For influencers, this is the new game, and there are now genres of ‘acceptably unacceptable’ behaviours that someone wishing to boost their relatability can discuss, without too high a risk. These include beauty imperfections, mental health problems (so long as they’re not schizophrenia, narcissism, or any of the ‘scary’ disorders), dirtiness and mess (especially if it’s caused by mental health problems), and, of course, loneliness.
‘I feel like we’re on FaceTime’ is a comment on both an influencer’s aesthetic captivation, and their candid relatability. It’s a goalpost that Madame Déficit’s like myself must replicate, in order to succeed in the market. So, don’t spill the beans when you see me acting aesthetic and connected at the function, because next time you hear from me, the grind might have paid off.
On a final note, I see a lot of people throwing the term ‘narcissist’ around when it comes to the attention economy. Personally, I think it’s crazy to call us narcissists, when we are essentially test mice in the elaborate maze of tech capitalism, scraps dangled over our heads for the financial benefit of the elite. In truth, I will never be the Dauphine of social media. I’m just speed-running the maze for my crumb of cake, and when the time comes for revolution, I’m prepared to set my mousey paws on the guillotine.
Remember, User, you never heard any of this from me.
XoXo, and all my parasocial love,
Mini Disc ❤
Character and article by Ophelia Po
(PRJCT_MINI.DSC is a monthly column by Ophelia Po, exclusive to qmunicatemagazine.co.uk. Stay tuned for more installments!)
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